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The Wedding and Beyond:'s Christian Guide to Marriage

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Happily Married for Life

(Life Journey)
June 2006



When the Honeymoon Ends

By Larry J. Koenig, Ph.D. For some couples it happens during the weeks or months immediately following their wedding; for others it occurs within the first year or two of their new marriage. Inevitably, the newness of becoming husband and wife fades and the reality of living with someone who is totally different from themselves sets in.

The way couples handle this important period can go a long way in determining the strength of their marriage for years to come. One important thing to remember, says author Larry J. Koenig, is that a couple’s expectations of each other play an important role in this time of transition. Too many times, he says, couples expect the pre-wedding intense feelings of love to last forever.

Koenig has written Happily Married for Life: 60 Tips for a Fun Growing Relationship to help couples navigate the various stages of their relationships. In his book he writes about what he calls “The Myth that Can Torpedo Your Marriage.” Read the excerpt below.

Exposing the Myth

Of the many myths about marriage, one very common one is so destructive in can cause the breakup of marriages. The myth is this: If that wonderful, passionate feeling you had when you married goes away, the love must have gone out of the marriage. This is often expressed between spouses when one says to the other, ‘I love you, but I’m not ‘in love’ with you anymore.”

What couples are really expressing is a belief that they should always have that loving feeling the marriage started out with. And who can blame them for believing it? It’s wonderful to experience the heightened passion of falling in love.

But the myth is dangerous because of the behavior that can result from it. What happens so often is this: When one of the partners concludes that love has died, he or she is ripe for someone else to come along and fill the void. Very quickly, a new love relationship can form. The passion of this new relationship convinces the person that true love has been found at last. He or she rushes to end the present marriage and marry the “true love.”

I wish it were a requirement of marriage that everyone sign a disclaimer accepting that real love starts where passionate love leaves off. Then I wish a postcard reminding the couple of this fact would be mailed to them every month for two years, starting the thirteenth month of the marriage. This would help get most through the turbulent time when the honeymoon ends, the love blinders come off, and passionate love flies the coop.

Since this is unlikely to happen, please feel free to copy this article and give it to the newlyweds you know. Better yet, buy my book for them and put a note in it suggesting they read this chapter first. Remember, the marriage you save may produce the parents of your future grandchildren!

Want more tips for a happy marriage? Check out Happily Married for Life: 60 Tips for a Fun Growing Relationship.

Excerpted from Happily Married for Life by Larry J. Koenig, Copyright 2006. Published by Life Journey. Used with permission.



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