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Growing Together in Marriage

By Brooke Keith
Contributing Writer

CBN.comHave you ever found yourself worrying that you and your spouse were growing apart? I think everyone has this fear at some point in their marriage. Maybe you feel like you aren’t talking enough or maybe it just feels like you are becoming far too different to continue being a couple.

Sadly, this is where many people give up on their marriage. “It’s unfixable,” we tell ourselves. “We are just too different.” “We aren’t the same people we used to be.” If you’ve found yourself thinking this or even uttering it out loud, I encourage you to read on and discover the truth about “growing apart”.

Before you started changing, God saw it all – and He had a plan!

Far too many marriages end because people think that change is bad. Remember, even though you might be surprised by your new circumstances, God isn’t. The Christian walk, after all, is all about growth and change.

Christ tells us in Luke 9:22, “You must take up your cross daily and follow me.” That means our surroundings are going to be constantly changing! We are never going to wake up in the same spot every morning, but that was all part of God’s plan.

Marriage is very similar. There are going to be seasons in our marriage that are ones of great change. They are going to require us to “take up our cross daily” – and in this we need not lose our joy or let it shake our peace. We can be certain that we are walking towards something spectacular when we depend on Jesus to lead the way.

Your spouse was created to balance you out!

In my own marriage, my husband and I are very different. I am a writing, reading, Frank Sinatra nerd. My husband is far hipper than I could ever claim to be. He can quote the lyrics to any classic rock tune, his hat is usually backwards, and he air guitars around the dining room table.

Many couples let Satan talk them in to thinking that difference is a bad thing, but God knows better. Why? He picked us out one for another.

I tend to be too high strung. My husband is notoriously laid back. He encourages fun for our children, and I encourage education. But God says this, “And the two shall become one.” That was His plan. The things I lack my husband balances out. Together, being one in Christ, we create a much better, well-balanced person than we ever could alone.

The Devil is a liar!

Change is uncomfortable. It can leave us butting heads, feeling insecure, and scrambling to find reasons to believe that our marriage can't survive. But, in God, we can find perfect peace in the midst of any circumstance – no matter how bleak.

The Devil would love for you to believe that this is it for your marriage. He would love to have you think that things will never get better. That's when we have to remember that God already told us the Devil is a liar. It’s right there in His word.

He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. Whenever he speaks a lie, he speaks from his own nature; for he is a liar, and the father of lies. (John 8:44)

Not only does God tell us he is a liar. He tells us Satan is "the father of lies". There is no truth in him at all -- not even a little morsel. 

“But, God how do I know that you aren’t putting these doubts in my head?” He has an answer for that too.

“God is not the author of confusion, but of peace.” (1 Corinthians 14:33)

God has a perfect plan for your life and your marriage. You were created with purpose and joined together with reason. God honors who you are as an individual, and He also honors your spouse as one . . . but together He saw that you could be more. He placed you together with a purpose. Even when it feels like you are growing apart, if you’ll keep a steady ear on the one who joined you together, you’ll find that any growing you do can be done together.

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